Realisations
by Zylimbron25
Summary: Late at night, Rimmer cries holographic tears Preslashy
1. Tears Outside the Light Bee

_Title – Realisations  
__Author – GTA Otaku  
__Rating – PG  
__Summary – Late at night, Rimmer cries holographic tears (could be Pre-Slash, could be smarm, Readers choice  
__Warning - It is Pre-Slashy I guess (look at that, I wrote Pre-Slash) but it is also written by me and therefore let it fall into the category of smarmy if you want it to.  
__Is also my first Red Dwarf fanfiction (RUN) and therefore could suffer from anything from poor writing to OOC  
__Disclaimer – I don't own Red Dwarf, not one smegging bit.  
__Flames will be used to fuel the rocket ship._

**Realisation - Tears outside the Light Bee**

He can't sleep, he isn't real.

It's not really his hair, his body, room, tears.

The pillow isn't wet, they aren't real. They simply fall out of range of the light bee and vanish into oblivion, gone and soon forgotten like one tiny decision, years back.

Fate was an utter gimboid.

So to the point was he.

Ace had been, well he had been Ace. Smart, cool, strong, the guy even smelled of success (and Kippers). He bet people lined up to spend the night with Ace.

As for Arnold there had been three. Of those three one had been drunk, the other virtual, and of course there had been Lisa "bloody not even him it was Lister" Yates.

He sobbed, and choked on it when Lister stirred above.

The thing he had realised the most was that Ace was not Arnold but could be. He could be Ace if he wasn't such a complete smeghead, and yet in the fortnight since the kippers had been smoked their bleeding last he couldn't for all he had tried. He had just slipped back into being Rimmer, dinosaur breath, molecule mind and, to the respectful, Arsehole.

He wished he was dead, o wait he was dead, dead and living in hell.

Fate was a complete and utter gimboid.

Why couldn't he, was he completely beneath such attainment. Even the scuzzers hated him, not that he blamed them. Rimmer couldn't even get on with himself, he had seen that with the 'other' Rimmer back when all this had started.

Was it because he had forsaken everything for failed exams and unachieved rank and warm gaspachio soup, trying so desperately to see pride in the eyes of the Father to whom he would always be second best, an underachiever beneath the likes of his great Brothers.

"I am a fish".

He punched the pillow, only to have his hand go straight through. That made him laugh, and then it made him cry. Lister stirred on the bunk above his.

Oh so what if Lister saw him, did he really care. The guy hated him anyway, hated him and loved Ace.

Bastard.

Seeing those two getting on, calling each other nicknames, doing their victory dance. Lister had even moped for a day when Ace had left, a whole smegging day.

Rimmer hated it, every second had burned his holographic heart with holographic flames and unshed holographic tears falling into oblivion.

Lister loved Ace, he hated Rimmer.

Fate didn't care. It was, after all, a gimboid.


	2. Burning Toy Soldiers

_Title – Realisations  
Author – GTA Otaku  
Rating – PG  
Summary – Late at night, Rimmer cries holographic tears (could be Pre-Slash, could be smarm, Readers choice)  
Warning - It is Pre-Slashy (look at that, I wrote Pre-Slash) but it is also written by me and therefore let it fall into the category of smarmy if you want it to.  
Is also my first Red Dwarf fanfiction (RUN) and therefore could suffer from anything from poor writing to OOC  
Disclaimer – I don't own Red Dwarf, not one smegging bit.  
Flames will be used to fuel the rocket ship._

He could hear Lister talking to Holly, Holly talking back in her sing song voice. Rimmer's name came up.

So he was finally asking to have him turned if. His snivelling must have been keeping Lister awake.

'Please, please switch me off, I can't take this, I don't want to be here I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I get it. Can I wake up now?

He waited for the inevitable, and it finally came.

Well, sort of.

There was a soft, almost affectionate feeling in his hair. At first it surprised Rimmer, how long had it been since even the wind had blown through his hair, stroking it back. It continued for a while, and he felt another pressure on his arms, gently pulling him over so that he was lying on his back. Rimmer let it; he was too absorbed in simply feeling touch again.

Lister kept his hand there, holding it so that it seemed to rest on Rimmer's arm while Holly translated every touch to the appropriate sensation in Rimmer's matrix.

"You want to talk man?"

"Do you?" Rimmer asked, confused.

"I asked first".

Scratch that one up there with 'I am a Fish' then.

Rimmer thought for a while. "I understand it Listy".

"It?"

"You, the Cat and Kryten all 'Oh isn't he the coolest' over Ace".

"Is that was this is about?" Lister pointed to Rimmer's eyes, making the Hologram look away.

"Yes that is what _this_ is about". Rimmer bit back, then closed his eyes. Lister was trying to help him after all, least he could do is _try_ and be nice. "I'm sorry".

The younger man stood up, pacing the room as if considering each word carefully. "Come on man, you know I'd sooner have you around".

Well, Rimmer hadn't been expecting that small nugget of a revelation. "Very funny". He said, sitting up on the edge of the bunk and burrying his head in his hands.

"I'm serious Rimmer. If it had come to an active choice between you and Ace, I would have picked you".

Rimmer looked up. "So you don't want the guy who can beat the space speed record for asteroids belts, whilst blindfolded and thinking about his nurse waiting for him covered in cranberry sauce".

"No, I want the guy who put me on report five times in as many minutes, whose own subconscious hates him, who couldn't pass an astronavigation exam without a blindfold much less with, who goes on and on about Risk as if it's the most amazing thing alive and reads War diaries".

"Why?"

Lister knelt back down, placing his hand back on Rimmer's arm. Holly was a little late with the pressure this time, but it came.

"Because he's also the guy who saved my life when the Cat was more concerned with his lunch. Remember that. Oh and the time ".

"Ace would do that".

"For anyone, without even thinking about it. And I expect he would burn his favourite toy soldiers to keep someone from hypothermia without thinking about it as well, for anyone, easily". Lister looked down. He wasn't normally one for this kind of talk. "But it was hard for you. It was hard for you but you still did that for me. It meant something to you, I think it meant a lot you, and so it meant a lot to me as well". He smirked. "Would have been better if you hadn't stolen my body, but you're still my friend".

Lister laughed as he climbed back into his bunk. "Now go to sleep".

And that was that, Rimmer's first normal human conversation, granted with a guy only a few steps above Neanderthal man, but then.

The thought struck him as he lay down. Lister had used the word 'Friend'?

Holly was gone, they were alone.

"Lister, do you...do you _like_ me?"

No answer. Rimmer closed his eyes. Maybe he had imagined it.

"Night Ace". Lister murmured.

"Night Skipper".

Kipper Man and the Boy Kangaroo. 'I am a Fish'

For all its moments, sometimes Fate did give you a royal flush.

It was still a gimboid.


End file.
